2-01h) Darkness Descends Upon Many Minds

Reprinted with kind permission from St. Joseph Publications

from the book She Went in Haste to the Mountain (Book 1)

NOTE: All excerpts from Conchita's Diary will be in extra-bold type

The attentive silence that had accompanied the reading of the message was broken almost as soon as the paper containing it was put away. A murmur rippled through the crowd as the message was transmitted to those who had not heard it well, and then . . . On seeing that everything indicated that that was all, a gale of disappointment more frigid than the storm swept over the crowd, and somber darkness deluged many hearts. What they had so much hoped for had not happened. And this message alone was not worth all this trouble. [«A11 those who came that day expected to see a great miracle, like the miracle of the sun at Fatima. It was not that way, but a great message, that today has much importance. At least, I so understand it and believe it.» (Juan Alvarez Seco)] Garabandal was a failure. It was finished. How stupid we had been to come up to this place!

Certainly only the publication of the message had been announced for that October 18th, and the imagination of spectacular prodigies was strictly the people's idea. But what might have happened if everyone had abided exactly by the instructions of the Apparition? What might have happened without the most prudent urgings of the Commission that forced Fr. Valentin and the girls to proceed in a way not in accordance with the directions received? It is not for men to impose their standards on God.

Oh, you men who ridicule humble compliance and docility, and think yourselves to be more intelligent than the Virgin! How you burden yourselves with ideas that you consider prudent!

The descent from the Pines, made under the lash of the rain and tempest wind, accompanied with bitter disillusion, was even harsher than the ascent. What Maria Herrero describes must have been felt by all the three thousand present:

«Confused and in a foul mood, I went down that hill of mud, stones and ruts without seeing anything, helping as I could any person in difficulty, under a rain that came back relentlessly.»

One of those who most felt the effects of the test on that night was Father Ramon Maria Andreu, He had been favored more than others, and so he was also tested more.

For a long time he made his way from one spot to the next — through the water that gushed down the hill in torrents everywhere — amid the crowd going up and down; he was drifting like a shipwreck: [It seems that the test had already begun before the reading of the message, when the multitude was gathering around the Pines.

«Midway in that painful ascent, I felt myself truly lost. In the night, in the middle of that mountain covered with shadows, a tremendous pain came into my soul, an un-supportable feeling of solitude and a conviction of the ridiculousness that all this represented.» (Fr. Ramón)]

«Suddenly, violently, an intense bitterness swept over me. It was a mixture of painful impressions and depressing feelings. It seemed that everything had come apart. As if everything had collapsed on me. I had just gone into a moral desert. The past swarmed over me . . . All that remained clear and definite was the death of my poor brother Father Luis a little more than two months before.

Afterwards, with what had happened at the Pines, my state of mental agony got worse. I believe that never during my whole life have I known such desolation ... I felt a violent desire to go away. Far away! To America! And I said to myself, What are you doing here? These girls are nothing more than poor sick children. And all this is a pathetic comedy of backward villagers.

I stopped for a few minutes. Looking up, I searched the heavens. I would have cried out for the production of the great miracle that the girls had certainly never predicted for that October 18th. Nothing was happening . . . And my disillusion was complete.

I changed locations, and again I remained stationary for a length of time that I cannot recall. I was as if unconscious; I was only aware of the continual footsteps of the crowd about me, who passed around me on one side or the other; the flashlights came and went in the darkness . . . Suddenly someone flashed a beam of light in my face. A friend [This was one of the Fontanedas, the family from Aguilar de Campoo with whom Fr. Ramón had come so many times.] who was coming down had just recognized me and wanted to give me his impression right away, This is marvelous . . . It's astounding , . .

I let him speak, answering in my mind, You'll understand later! His enthusiasm hurt me; it almost made me angry.

We went down to the village together. I think that I had stayed on the side of the hill at least an hour, seeing flashlights going up and down like a nightmare.

I sheltered myself for a while in a house so as not to get wet. But I felt so discouraged that everything was bothering me. Because of this I went outside and directed my steps to the house where they were waiting for me. I had a need for familiar faces in order not to feel so desolate ... A little after that Loli's sister Amali-uca, somewhat younger than she, arrived. Signaling to me and two other persons , [These men were Mr. Fontaneda and Mr. Fontibre, friends of Fr. Ramón, from Aguilar de Campoo.]she said, Loli says that you should come. You . . . you . . . and you . . .

I had no desire or intention to go. Finally I decided, thinking, Well, to visit the sick is still a work of mercy. I assure you that though I went, it was with the idea of saying a final goodbye to her and this whole thing.

We came to Ceferino's house and we went upstairs. There were about a dozen people there. Loli, in the midst of them, appeared happy — I would say almost joyful. I looked for a place and began thinking about the inconsistency of that young girl and the naiveness of those surrounding her . . .

She pointed to some kind of hamper. Like a robot I obeyed and she came over to sit beside me. I believe that I will never in my life forget the confidential conversation that followed . . .

— Yes I know. Do you know too?

— Certainly. The Virgin told me.

— A little while ago, when we were coming down from the Pines.

— Well, tell us who it is.

— No I don't dare. If it were one of the other two . . .

— It is I all right. I don't believe in anything.

An understanding smile shone in Loli's childlike eyes:

— The Virgin told us, "Father doubts everything, and suffers much. Call him and tell him not to doubt anymore — that it is really I, the Virgin, who is appearing here. And in order for him to believe better, tell him: When you went up, you went up in joy; when you came down, you came down in sorrow."

I got up. I saw in a confused way that the time for farewells had not yet come ... I took the arms of my two friends who looked at me without comprehending and asked me, Hey, what's this she said? What's going on?

I pushed them toward the door, saying, Let's go right now to Conchita's house!

— She is already in bed; but you can go up if you want.

I went up with my two friends. Conchita was in bed with her cousin Luciuca, a year younger than she. As soon as she saw me, without waiting for me to speak, she said with a smile: PHOTO: Conchita knew the priest's secret thoughts.

— Are you happy? Or are you still sad?
— I hardly know. Loli told me that the Virgin talked at length to you about me.
— At least for a quarter of an hour.
— And what did she say?
— I don't know what I can say.
— Then I will be the same as I was before.

Conchita smiled. Well, there is something I can say. When you went up, you went up with joy; when you came down, you came down in sorrow . . . She told me everything that you were thinking . . . And the locations where you were thinking those things. And that you were thinking, "Now I'm going to America." And at another location you were thinking, "I don't want to know more about so-and-so or about so-and-so." And you were suffering much. She told me to say this to you and to advise you that all this has happened so that in the future, remembering all this, you won't doubt again.

On the following day, on a detailed photograph of the Pines and its surroundings, Conchita pointed out with her finger all the places where I had been and what I had been thinking there! I can assure you that she was not mistaken in any thing. » [Fr. Ramón has told about his personal experiences on October 18th at different times with the inclusion of different details. Here is what he told the editor of the French edition of Conchita's diary as recorded on tape:

«After that» — he said several years later, during a conference at Palma de Mallorca — «I remained for several days with a terrible impression, like a sleepwalker . . . At the time when I felt myself the most alone in all my life, I was in fact totally known, even to my most hidden thoughts; all of my thoughts had been very easily known to the girls by means of the mysterious person that they claimed to see.»]

Not everyone was given grace like Fr. Ramon to throw off so quickly the darkness of disillusion. While he was in the village having those ineffable experiences, the tremendous multitude was descending in hellish conditions down the difficult trails from Garabandal.

«When things ended at the Pines, my friends insisted on returning immediately and in a hurry to Santander, without staying longer in the village»

— María Herrero tells us — «And so I missed something that would have been marvelous to see.

As the girls came down from the Pines with the Civil Guard protecting them from the crowds, they suddenly went into ecstasy on arriving at the Cuadro. Turning around, they began to look toward the Pines — since the Vision was coming from there — and going backwards, they went down to the village. I believe it all ended in front of the church doors. I was told that it was a real marvel.»

"They began to look toward the Pines — since the Vision was coming from there."

Conchita recorded the episode:

    After reading it, (the message) we went down toward the village.
    And at the calleja, in the place that is called the Cuadro, the Virgin appeared to us.
    And the Virgin said to me, Now Fr. Ramón María Andreu is having doubts.
    And I was very surprised.
    And she told me where he had begun to doubt, and what he had thought, and everything.

Returning now to the report of María Herrero: «I came down with the crowd, and like many others was part displeased and part stunned. I didn't hear, as on going up, the groups reciting the rosary or singing hymns.

When coming down from the village, I began to feel more afraid. An avalanche of people was coming down in a rush, full speed, sliding in the mud and pushing. So that nothing would be missing, a tempest was unleashed like I've never seen. Thunder roared, rumbling thru the valleys; and lightning flashed without ceasing, blinding us with light. How many times I invoked St. Michael!

As I was slipping and losing my balance, and feared that the people were going to trample on me, I sat down on the ground at the side of the road, overwhelmed with terror. Two men, whose faces I wasn't able to recognize in the dark, each took one of my arms, and so I was able to get to Cossío. I don't know who they were; but with all my heart I say, May God repay them! I had to make the last kilometer barefoot over that quagmire of loose stones; I had torn my shoes and had to throw them away. Nevertheless, believe it a miracle or not, I didn't suffer the least injury to my feet; they remained as unharmed as if I'd been walking on top of a carpet.

When I found myself finally in my quarters at Santander at a very late hour of the night, I wept inconsolably. It seemed that Garabandal was finished forever.

I couldn't doubt the truth of the apparitions that I had witnessed; I'd have let myself die to defend them. What then had happened on that disheartening October 18th? Had we let the Virgin down, and would she never return? Very probably! The thought tortured me, and thus that night was for me a real dark night, perhaps the only one with regard to Garabandal.»

The general thinking and fear that October 18th would be the death of Garabandal came to such a point that two days later, on October 20th, Jacinta was heard to say in ecstasy, «No one believes us anymore, do you know? ... So you can perform a very great miracle in order that many will believe again.» The response of the Virgin was to smile and say, «They will believe ». [On a lesser scale, during the apparitions of Lourdes, a similar disbelief occurred when the spectators saw Bernadette Soubirous, in one of her trances, begin to eat grass and to wash in the mud. Almost all thought that she was disturbed.]

Dr. Ortiz expressed in a few words his experiences on that 18th of October in Garabandal:

«In spite of the climate that existed — so conducive to suggestion, since the majority of the people, under illusions, were hoping for a great miracle — I could not discover a single case of such suggestion. This is a very important fact, if one takes into account that some of my colleagues, together with members of the Commission, were maintaining that this dealt with the phenomena of group suggestion.

Many of those who had gone up to the village, when a miracle did not take place — as they had imagined it would, although it had never been foretold by the girls — left completely discouraged and even in bad moods. A woman of the village, Angelita, Maximina's sister-in-law, heard a visitor shouting with indignation:

— Here, here — answered the woman — You are the one that should be burned! What telegram was sent for you to come here!»

María Herrero, whose report we have used so much to give a description of that unforgettable day, ended her account like this:

«I cannot tell anything further with accuracy; but I am sure that the 18th of October was full of interesting episodes that are more or less unexplainable. But no one can doubt one thing: that the angels of the Lord watched over each one of us so that, as the psalm says, our feet would not be dashed against the stones of the roads ... I believe everyone returned safely to his home. I at least have not known of any accident. And that seems to me to be a very great miracle.

Everything about that day has remained deeply imprinted in my memory, giving the picture of a day of disillusion and of penance, a rather pale picture of what the day of the Warning [The Warning is one of the great prophetic predictions of Garabandal, one of the sealed books of this extraordinary history. We will speak about it when it comes time; now we are still recounting 1961, the first year of the events.] could be, since everything in the atmosphere seemed there to test us. It really was a day of purification. Never has anything struck me with such fear of the Lord as what happened on that day.»

With this began a purification in the ranks of the followers, the first pruning of numerous easy enthusiasts.

October 18th, 1961 as it was in Garabandal calls to mind the writing of an ancient prophet of Israel: